it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
