Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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