i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i love accidental penises.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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