scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
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