my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
