Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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