Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
