what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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