His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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