I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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