I will die if light touches me.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
