Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
