I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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