Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
