So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
