kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
