Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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