im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
