Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
