Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
