just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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