My hand turned me down
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
