When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
it glows. i had to have it.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize