come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
