Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
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of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
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She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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