i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Your topless pictures make me question reality
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
