Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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