Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I want to fling myself into the sun
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
