Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
