Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
