I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
