you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
