Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
