That's intense
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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