A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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