Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize