im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
