my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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