pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
