you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
