So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Randomize
