Sacagawea was the original milf.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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