Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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