dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
