I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
