i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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