She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
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just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
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