you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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