So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
