at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
