it wasn't lemon gatorade
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
