hotel room ftw
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
