I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
