dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
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Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
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Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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