i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
