I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I can't put those talents on a resume
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
