somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
