I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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