I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I cut my penus on the lid.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
