I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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