If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
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Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
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She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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