I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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