I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
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when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
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Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
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