guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
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