Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
