Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
