how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
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That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
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If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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