she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
