How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
