its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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