At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
