it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
