I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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