Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
