it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Princesses don't give blow jobs
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Randomize
