Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
