I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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