i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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