No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
