I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
