My room smells like vodka and shame
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Randomize
