Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
