i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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