totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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