discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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