What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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